Twenty-Three Ways To Break An Engagement

[Jerry]

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Twenty-Three Ways To Break An Engagement

1.  At a really passionate moment, call her "Mommy".
2.  Tell her you owe $100,000, but you know that by both of you
working and putting in all the overtime you can get, it should be
paid off in 25 or 30 years.
3.  Say you'd love to marry her as soon as you've captured all of
those Venusian invaders.
4.  Call her at 4:15 AM on Sunday morning and ask if she can think of
a 12-letter word meaning "Before the blood" beginning with the letter
"A".
5.  Ask if she'd mind changing clothes with you.
6.  Scratch constantly.  Explain that a doctor told you it wasn't
catching unless the little flakes of skin actually touch someone.
7.  Give her a 550 lb. set of barbells for an engagement present.
8.  Tell her your pet skunk does not stink unless upset.
9.  Keep a "How to Avoid Wetting Your Bed" book on your couch.
10. Insist that she walk five paces behind you.
11. Say that your mother, an interior decorator, must live with you.
12. Sing "Melancholy Baby" constantly.
13. Spend hours and hours showing her your voluminous XXX-rated
magazine collection.
14. Tell her that your favorite author is Marquis de Sade.
15. Shower her with gifts of mouthwash.
16. Say that even though your mother and father are also sister and
brother, you turned out perfectly formed.
17. Tell her your first wife was one of the "Gay Sisters", and ask
her if she would mind spending a few weekends with her.
18. Make a pass at her mother and father.
19. Say that you're 99% sure your mother will allow you to marry her.
20. Tell her you always take out large insurance policies on all of
your wives.
21. Rent a Rolls Royce, take her for a ride, and ask her if she gets
a kick out of doing the town in a stolen car.
22. Tell her you have your wig paid off but your teeth are still in
hock.
23. Confess just a few of your hangups!
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Jerry