OFF: Humour

[Mike Parkington]

I just had to post this, apologies that it is way off but it made me laugh & it is Friday after all.


Mike P

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COWS & GOVERNMENT

FEUDALISM : You have two cows.  Your lord takes some
of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM : You have two cows.  The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's
cows.  You have to take care of all the cows.  The
government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM : You have two cows.  The
government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken
farmers.  You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The
government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as
the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM : You have two cows.  The government takes
both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the
milk.

PURE COMMUNISM : You have two cows.  Your neighbors
help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM : You have two cows.  You have to
take care of them, but the government takes all the
milk.

DICTATORSHIP : You have two cows.  The government takes
both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY : You have two cows.  The
government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm
animals in an apartment.

MILITARISM : You have two cows.  The government takes
both of them and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY : You have two cows.  Your neighbors
decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY : You have two cows.  Your
neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY : The government promises to give
you two cows if you vote for it.  After the election,
the president is impeached for speculating in cow
futures.  The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY : You have two cows.  You feed them
sheeps' brains and they go mad.  The government
doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY : You have two cows.  At first the
government  regulates what you can feed them and when
you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other
and pours the milk down the drain. Then it asks you
to fill out forms to account for the missing cow.

ANARCHY : You have two cows.  Either you sell the milk
at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and
take the cows.

CAPITALISM : You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a
bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM : You have two cows.  You sell
three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with
a tax deduction for keeping five cows.  The milk rights
of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian
intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned
by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to
all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The
annual report says that the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two
cows because the fung shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM : You have two cows.  The government
bans you from milking or killing them.

TOTALITARIANISM : You have two cows.  The government
takes them and denies they ever existed.  Milk is
banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS : You are associated with (the
concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the
phallocentric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two
differently-aged (but no less valuable tosociety)
bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE : Wow, dude, there's like... these two
cows, man.  You got to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM : You have two giraffes.  The government
forces you to take harmonica lessons.