OFF (and HW): Chickens and Roads

[Kevin Sommers]

I found this on another discussion list:


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This old dumb joke:

Q. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
A. "To get to the other side!"

- as applied to various "progressive rock group" chickens....

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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
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Genesis chicken - After it crossed the road it spread its wings and
ascended slowly into the sky. Then the sun came out and all the peoples of
the world rejoiced.

Musical Box chicken - (See above)

Magma chicken - goose-stepped across the road while speaking in tongues.
It was dressed completely in black and sported a familiar runic symbol on
its breast.

Heldon chicken - started crossing the road in an electrifyingly anarchistic
manner then exploded in a fireball half-way across.

Gong chicken - Using Radio Gnome Invisible, this holisticly conscious
chicken asked a Pot Head Pixie for a lift across the road in a flying
teapot and quite by chance met Zero the Hero.


Anekdoten chicken - This chicken is so heavy that it cracked the pavement
as it crossed in a slow lumbering stride. It was also dressed like Rozz
Williams and had painted the tips of its toes with black nail polish.

PFM chicken - Crossed the road quickly but was muttering to itself
incoherently and had terrible garlic breath.

Argent chicken - puffed itself up and tried to strut menacingly across the
road, but it wasn't fooling anyone...

Hawkwind chicken - Made it almost all the way across when it was abducted
by cryogenically recycled alien acolytes from Zorkon Beta 5QX7 who were
collecting Earth specimens for interplanetary scientific research.

Soft Machine chicken - This totally hip chicken was wearing totally rad
rectangular spectacles that were so dark and cool looking, it couldn't see
where it was going. It managed to eventually improvise its way across the
road.

Robert Wyatt chicken - crossed the road followed by a devout band of
acolytes from the United Church of Our Lord and Savior Robert
"I-can-upstage-Jesus" Wyatt.

Manfred Mann's Earth Band chicken - tried crossing the road at night but
got blinded by the light of an oncoming coal truck and was blasted clear
across South Africa. Presently rehabilitating, while listening to old Dylan
and Springsteen bootlegs.

Henry Cow chicken - crossed the road without incident...one body part at a
time.

Fred Frith chicken - crossed the road without incident...1/8th of a body
part at a time.

Ozric Tentacles chicken - It's feet lifted off the ground a few inches and
it levitated gracefully across the road. It sported a scratchy wool sweater
and "Dread-feathers"
and it's sunken eyes were like those of an oversized Bassett Hound.

Echolyn chicken - Crossed the road hundreds of times in hundreds of
different ways, all in the blink of an eye.

Finneus Gauge chicken - Crossed the road thousands of times in thousands of
different ways, all in the blink of an eye.

Van Der Graaf Generator chicken - flapped haphazardly into the middle of
the road, then rolled onto its back, kicking its legs in the air clucking
incessantly.

Peter Hammill chicken - Did the same as the Van Der Graaf chicken, but it
also pecked at the pavement violently until its beak was chipped and
bloody, then stared painfully into the sun yelling verses from Yeats.

Nektar chicken - crossed the road accompanied by its own amazing light
show. It was mesmerized by the amazing visuals, but later on it moved to
New Jersey where it got homesick and died.

Caravan chicken - crossed the road amiably enough promptly at half past
four, after having a delightful cup of tea and crumpets with marmalade
preserves.

Camel chicken - Flew all the way from Mountain View, California, to
Stratford-Upon-Avon just to cross a road in front of people who would
recognize who it was.

Steve Hillage chicken - crossed the road and was enlightened to the insight
that there is an infinite number of roads to cross, each a lesson in the
Universal knowledge of existence and the unwavering and limitless power of
unconditional love as expressed through the magickal medium of musick.


Gentle Giant chicken - Likes to cross the road, but is annoyed by those
little motor-vehicle things that sometimes get squashed under its feet.

Yes chicken - Steadfastedly refused to cross the road. Period.

Rick Wakeman chicken - Thumbed its nose at the Yes chicken and waltzed
across the road while eating some KFC and chain smoking unfiltered Camels.

Patrick Moraz chicken - tripped and fell down half-way across because some
idiot left a half-eaten bucket of KFC lying in the middle of the road.

Miriodor chicken - This chicken crossed the road without incident.
However, upon closer inspection, you would notice that this chicken had 5
wings, 4 legs, 3 beaks, 2 heads and 1 eye.

Focus chicken - This chickenus crossed the roadus while yodelingus.

Hatfield & The North chicken - Went up to the road and tinkled, then caused
chaos at the Greasy Spoon by volunteering to "share it" with the waitress,
who happened to be Amanda Parsons.

Djam Karet chicken - crossed half-way, then turned and streaked off
following the center line. Sometimes people have reported the siting of
this glowing green chicken racing down roadways all over the world at night
accompanied by an eerie wailing noise.

5UU's chicken - cackled insanely as it ran in circles all over the road
before managing to cause a major fatal 7-car pile-up.

Solution chicken - Was unfortunately run over by a steam-roller.  It's
yellow velvet bell-bottom trousers survived, however.

Univers Zero chicken - This chicken started to slowly cross the road in a
most peculiar manner. Then it began to smoke and emit an awful stench.
Feathers, beak and body slowly melted into a viscuous pool of putrid,
greasy, lumpy black slime which burnt through the pavement.

Present chicken - This chicken started to slowly cross the road in a most
peculiar manner. Then it began to smoke and emit an awful stench. Then an
alien hatched from its breast.

ELP chicken - shot like a cannon across the road, accompanied by swirling
fog, atmospheric explosions and fireworks. Tickets to see this highly hyped
event were $34.95 and/or £53.

Triumvirat chicken - Tried to cross the road like the ELP chicken, but
ended up not making it all the way across. An angry mob of people who felt
they'd been cheated out of $34.95 and/or £53 chased it for miles, but it
escaped.

King Crimson chicken - With its toungue packed in aspic, this chicken,
three of a perfect pair, crossed heavily in the wake of Poseiden, dragging
with it a dead lizard that had been staked through the neck.

Pink Floyd chicken - This half-machine, half-animal chicken, instead of
crossing the road, would flag down cars and peck the drivers to death.

Gryphon chicken - Saw how formidable the road was and came to the logical
conclusion that it didn't need to cross the road.

Amon Duul chicken - Crossed the road by running through a drainage culvert,
marveling at the way its movements echoed through the galvanized steel.
Went into the Black Forest to experience nature on LSD.

Amon Duul II chicken - Crossed the road like the Amon Duul chicken, but it
was suffering from delusions of grandeur, thinking it was a secret agent on
a mission to find out where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.

Jethro Tull chicken - Crossed the road with a merry wee hop, skip and a
jump!

Rennaissance chicken - started to cross the road when it was shot by an
arrow from one of the Sheriff of Nottingham's paxmen for non-payment of
royal taxes.

Mike Oldfield chicken - shyly crossed the road when it was sure no one was
looking. Incidently, it made the road it crossed. Also, it manufactured the
asphalt used to make the road, as well as chip the rock used in the
production of the asphalt, as well as invent the use of pavement for
roadways to begin with.

Larry Fast chicken - used the "Buddy-check" system with the J.M. Jarre
chicken to safely make it across the road.

Jean Michael Jarre chicken - see above.

Traffic chicken - Started to cross eager enough, but got distracted
half-way across, then lost interest all together.

White Willow chicken - Sprouted Faerie wings and fluttered acropss the road.

Grobschnitt chicken - was so busy clowning around in the middle of the
road, it didn't see the Coca-cola delivery truck until it was too late....

Faust chicken - crossed the road accompanied by an ear-splitting claxon of
noise.

Anglagard chicken - would only cross the road at night by candle light - it
was more dramatic that way.

National Health chicken - Hey, OK, I mean, like this has nothing to do with
chickens, but, like, I want to know if Pip Pyle really is made of some
metallic alloy, and if he is, I want to know, like, what it is? And while
we're at it, is John Greaves really a star child born of the relationship
between philosopher Aristotle and musician Slapp Happy?

Egg chicken - crossed the road easily, despite all the traffic, passing
lanes, overpasses, exits, breakdown lanes, service vehicle right-of-ways,
stop lights, railroad crossings and police roadblocks.

kudla at pobox.com ... http://kudla.org/raindog ... Rob


Kevin Sommers

primiti too taa, nnz kkr muu

http:\\members.home.net\novadrive