REVOCATION (a joke !! no offence meant)

[Merrick Martin French]

-
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>  To the citizens of the United States of America,
>  In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
>  govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>  independence, effective today.
>  Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
>  over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah, which
>  she does not fancy.  Your new Prime Minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair MP,
>  for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
>  world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without
>  the need for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be
>  disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
>  whether any of you noticed.
>
>  To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>  rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
>  1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
>  Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be
>  amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you
>  should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".
>  Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
>  "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
>  communication. Look up "interspersed".
>
>  2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
>  on your behalf.
>
>  3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
>  It really isn't that hard.
>
>  4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
>  good guys.
>
>  5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>  Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you
>  to get confused and give up half way through.
>
>  6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
>  of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
>  game.  The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
>  borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.  You
>  will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
>  football.  Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It
>  is a difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed
>  to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not
>  involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
>  body armour like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US
>  rugby sevens side by 2005.
>
>  7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
>  they give you any merde.  The 97.85% of you who were not aware that
>  there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
>  Russians have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for "shit".
>
>  8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
>  national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
>  Day".
>
>  9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
>  your own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what
>  we mean.
>
>  10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
>