Python Prog Rebuttal

[Richard Lockwood]

ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF!!!!!!!!!

People are looking at me strangely in the office as I wipe the tears from my
eyes.  THANK YOU!!!

I shall post this to the Beer Powered Noise Frenzy list forthwith (if that's
OK!)

Cheers,

Rich.
  -----Original Message-----
  From: BOC/Hawkwind Discussion List [mailto:BOC-L at LISTSERV.SPC.EDU]On
Behalf Of Rus Hall
  Sent: 18 October 2001 03:30
  To: BOC-L at LISTSERV.SPC.EDU
  Subject: HW: Python Prog Rebuttal


  CUSTOMER: Good Morning.
  OWNER: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National CD Emporium!
  CUSTOMER: Ah, thank you, my good man.
  OWNER: What can I do for you, Sir?
  CUSTOMER: Well, I was, uh, sitting behind the public library on Thurmon
Street just now rolling a joint with some Norwegian Blue, and I noticed the
absence of blanga.
  OWNER: Blanga, sir?
  CUSTOMER: Space songs.
  OWNER: Eh?
  CUSTOMER: Tunage! I need tunes!!
  OWNER: Ah, music!
  CUSTOMER: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little progressive
rock might do the trick," so, I curtailed my rolling activities, sallied
forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of
some digital music data!
  OWNER: Come again?
  CUSTOMER: I want to buy some CDs.
  OWNER: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the limburger cheese!
  CUSTOMER: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations
of the fermented curd!
  OWNER: Sorry?
  CUSTOMER: I’ve! ! got the munchies!
  OWNER: So we can go on and leave it out?
  CUSTOMER: Most certainly! Now then, some music please, my good man.
  OWNER: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
  CUSTOMER: Well, eh, how about a little Ozric Tentacles.
  OWNER: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of Ozric Tentacles, sir.
  CUSTOMER: Oh, never mind, how are you on Pressurehead?
  OWNER: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get
them here on Monday.
  CUSTOMER: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, some tracks of
Hawkwind, if you please.
  OWNER: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this
morning.
  CUSTOMER: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Dead Kennedys?
  OWNER: Sorry, sir.
  CUSTOMER: Kraftwerk?
  OWNER: Normally, sir, yes. Today the CD Burner broke down.
  CUSTOMER: Ah. Circle?
  OWNER: Sorry.
  CUSTOMER: Frank Zappa? King’s X?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Any Amun Duul, per chance.
  OWNER: No.
  ! ! CUSTOMER: Blue Oyster Cult?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: MC5?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: White Zombie?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Porcupine Tree?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Crazy World of Arthur Brown?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Upper Crust?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Vander Graf Generator?

  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: , Far Flung, Motorhead, Spiral Realms, Monster Magnet, Spinal
Tap, Cirkus, Alien Ant Farm, Alien Sex Fiend, Alien Planetscapes, Ubiquitous
Starbooty?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: King Crimson, perhaps?
  OWNER: Ah! We have King Crimson, yessir.
  CUSTOMER: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
  OWNER: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's on vinyl...
  CUSTOMER: Oh, I’ll take it on vinyl.
  OWNER: Well,.. It's really old vinyl, sir.
  CUSTOMER: No matter. Fetch hither the platter de le negro! Mmmwah!
  OWNER: I...think it's a bit older than you'll like it, sir.
  CUSTOMER: I don't care how fucking old it is. Hand it over with all speed.
  OWNER: Oooooooooohhh........!
  CUSTOMER: What now?
  OWNER: The cat left it in the sun.

  CUSTOMER: Has he.
  OWNER: She, sir.
  (pause)
  CUSTOMER: Bedouin?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Bo Hansson?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Gong?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Darxtar?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Orange Goblin?
  OWNER: No, sir.
  CUSTOMER: You...do *have* some music, don't you?
  OWNER: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a music shop, sir. We've got-
  CUSTOMER: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
  OWNER: Fair enough.
  CUSTOMER: Uuuuuh, Uriah Heep.
  OWNER: Yes?

  CUSTOMER: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
  OWNER: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir.
  Uriah Heep, that's my name.

  (pause)

  CUSTOMER: ST-37?
  OWNER: Uh, not as such.
  CUSTOMER: Uuh, Blotto?
  OWNER: no
  CUSTOMER: Born To Go,
  OWNER: no
  CUSTOMER: Brain Surgeons,
  OWNER: no
  CUSTOMER: Sky Klad,
  OWNER: no
  CUSTOMER: Architectural Metaphor,
  OWNER: no
  CUSTOMER: Das Ludicroix,
  OWNER: no
  CUSTOMER: Darkest of the Hillside Thickets?
  OWNER: Not *today*, sir, no.
  (pause)
  CUSTOMER: Aah, how about Pink Floyd?
  OWNER: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
  CUSTOMER: Not much ca--It's the single most popular band in the world!
  OWNER: Not 'round here, sir.
  CUSTOMER: and what IS the most popular band 'round hyah?
  OWNER: Anubian Lights, sir.
  CUSTOMER: IS it.
  OWNER: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor squire.
  CUSTOMER: Is it.
  OWNER: It's our number one best seller, sir!
  CUSTOMER: I see. Uuh...Anubian Lights, eh?
  OWNER: Right, sir.
  CUSTOMER: All right. Okay.
  "Have you got any?" H! ! e asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
  OWNER: I'll have a look, sir.. nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
  CUSTOMER: It's not much of a CD shop, is it?
  OWNER: Finest in the district!
  CUSTOMER: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
  OWNER: Well, it's so clean, sir!
  CUSTOMER: It's certainly uncontaminated by media....
  OWNER: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Pink Fairies, sir.
  CUSTOMER: Would it be worth it?
  OWNER: Could be....
  CUSTOMER: Have you . . . (sniff) . . . GET RID OF THAT HIDEOUS CHEESE!
  OWNER: Told you sir...
  CUSTOMER: (slowly) Have you got any Pink Fairies?
  OWNER: No.
  CUSTOMER: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest
optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me . . .
  OWNER: Yessir?
  CUSTOMER: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any music here at all.
  OWNER: Yes, sir.
  CUSTOMER: Really?
  OWNER: (pause) No. Not really, sir.
  CUSTOMER: You haven! ! 't.
  OWNER: No sir, not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
  CUSTOMER: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
  OWNER: Right-0, sir.

  . . . Blam!

  CUSTOMER: What a *senseless* waste of human life.



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